Part 6: Home and Family
Dating can be a turning point in your child's life leading to growth and maturity. It can also be a time when the child begins to reject previous moral teaching and ideals.
God instructs parents to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians Chapter 6, Verse 4). To do this in dating situations we need to instruct our children regarding permissible dating activities and limitations. We must, as well as we can, assure ourselves that these instructions are being obeyed.
It will be easier to help our children through their teenage years if we do not allow early dating. Unfortunately, many social pressures tend to push children into early dating. But logical consideration shows that dating should wait until the child is more mature. Two of these considerations are:
Earlier physical maturation due to better nutrition and controlled climates in our houses and schools.
The economic requirements for continued education beyond the high school years.
These factors demand that dating start later to reduce the years between the start of dating and the time of marriage. A child reaching sexual maturity at age 13 must face an entire decade of ever increasing sexual pressures before marriage at age 23 after college or trade-school graduation.
If dating is started too early, after a few years boredom might cause a relaxation of personal restrictions against sexual fulfillment. This happens more easily when the child is still too young to successfully handle the situation. That this occurs is proven by the increasing incidence of unwed, teenage motherhood in our society.
Contributing to this problem is the failure of parents to set behavior and activity limits. This leaves a void that will be filled by the teenager. It often happens that the most outspoken among your child's peers becomes the leader of the group. These leaders set standards of behavior usually at the limits of their own ethical values. These limits then become "normal." If parental influence is not great enough to maintain control of the child through these powerful group influences and if normal group behavior includes immorality, trouble will almost surely come to your child soon. There is obvious reason why the Bible warns against certain associations. First Corinthians Chapter 15, Verse 33 tells us:
Be not deceived, evil companionships corrupt good morals.
The old-fashioned requirement of having your child end his outside activities at a reasonable hour is quite valid and applicable today. Unlimited time for amusement often leads to poor performance at school, at work and at home. The family that waits up for a late comer will also suffer from lack of rest. Too, the younger children will clamor for the same unlimited privilege. You have the right and the duty to control your children, for the Bible says in First Timothy Chapter 5, Verse 8:
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Providing for your children includes love, direction, discipline and control, as well as the physical necessities of life. An all-prevailing control of the child is unwise. Parents must not stifle the growth of the child by over control. As the child matures, parental restraints should be gradually released. It is indeed a fine line we parents must hold: that between too much and too little control. This requires the nicest kind of judgment.
Dating, to fulfill its intent and purpose, should be a "hands-off" activity. There are several ways that you can assure your child the fun of dating without endangering his future through over involvement; some of these are:
Request double dating with couples of known Christian characteristics.
Discourage steady dating.
Refuse too much dating.
Do not allow dating with companions of a great age difference. The interests and intent of an 18-year-old man are frequently quite different from those of a 14-year-old girl.
Insist that late hours be avoided.
Control the activities included in dating. Use your best Christian judgment to conclude what is suitable for your child.
Early training of the child is important. Obedience to parents must be developed even in infancy. Obedience must be habitual. It is important to gain and maintain rapport with your children early in their lives. Laying the foundation of good communication and respect for parental authority early in the child’s life cannot be overstressed..
For further study of this vital matter we refer you to the several books on this, and similar, subjects by Dr. James Dobson of the Focus on the Family Ministry.
God bless you as you strive to help your children through this wonderful time of their lives.