Part 6: Home and Family
Many young couples now live together outside of marriage. They play with intimacies previously reserved only for marriage. Such unions are often very temporary. Also many traditional marriages are disintegrating. As a result, the children of broken marriages or living-together arrangements suffer personality problems for the balance of their lives. Children of unmarried parents are usually unwanted and are sometimes raised by abusive mothers in fatherless homes. Such children are often unable to compete in school, unable to continue their education and frequently cannot enjoy their own marriage.
Failing marriages usually result from poor preparation and planning. The couple had not thought through or did not know about the many pitfalls that can ruin a marriage. They were unable to overcome the results of this lack of planning. Now even Christian marriages are included in this tragic break up of homes. Even so, a marriage solidly built around God’s values remains a good base for giving social stability and enrichment for both parents and children.
In Christian marriage the man and the woman are believers in Christ. Theirs is a lifetime commitment before God. The Bible tells us that the wife must not depart from her husband and the husband must not depart from the wife. Christian marriage involves love and consideration. Ephesians, Chapter 5, Verse 33 says:
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Christian marriages offer legitimate and fulfilling sexual gratification. God blesses them. First Corinthians, Chapter 7, Verses 2 through 4, reads:
But since there is such immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
The highest priority for marriage is to understand and believe, as a Christian, that marriage is a promise for life. The second priority is to find someone with whom to enjoy unity and together willingly make such a commitment. In Matthew, Chapter 19, Verse 5, Jesus tells us that the two will become one flesh. To join two unsuited people makes an ugly and flawed union. Also, beware of attempting to change him or her before or after marriage.
Compatibility means that each should love and respect the other’s values, humor and goals in life and marriage. They should, preferably, be faithful to the same religious doctrine and values.
Compatibility further implies mutual consideration of the other's thoughts about their role in the marriage. This is especially important in this age when roles are often confused. The couple must communicate to each other their questions about sex, the number of children, child raising, occupation, home location and religion. Included also are considerations about recreation, household duties, money, savings and personal freedom. Everything regarding life with each other is important. Longer engagements are suggested. Remember that deep-seated personality traits, hidden to please a fiancée, often appear later.
Do not expect to live in perfect harmony. Be sure that there is enough agreement, love and respect to enable two to grow more compatible through the years.
There will be conflicts, tensions and differences. Working these out and learning to compromise while growing together can be satisfying and even fun. Then when you grow old together and the children are gone, you can take great comfort in one another's company. Then you will be able to say, "Marrying him (or her) was the best thing I ever did!