Part 6: Home and Family
When two young people decide to “go steady” (to date each other exclusively), they know who will be available for the prom, movie, class party or a Coca-Cola. This leads to good times together. But, in doing so they tend to sacrifice:
1.
Meeting other people.
2.
Learning how a variety of other people think and react.
Many consider going steady as a step toward engagement and eventual marriage. But to commit oneself to marriage without having learned about the varieties of human personalities and individual traits is often a mistake. Your date may be good looking and "cool," but is he or she suitable for an enduring relationship? Marriage involves two people completely committing themselves to each other. They desire to create a beautiful, life-long, marital partnership, which will be suitable for raising children, should they wish to do so. This will include good times as well as bad times, hard work and stress. Can your partner handle these jobs?
But, you say, "We don't intend to get married--at least not yet." Okay, fine, but why are you going steady? Is it because you have met few others or because you feel ugly or less popular? Do you go steady because you feel inadequate, inferior, insecure or afraid? Perhaps you are afraid of the reaction from your companion that he or she might become angry or abusive if the relationship is called off.
If your own home is insecure, you will be tempted to go steady just to help you forget about your home problems. This often leads to early marriage. But, slow it down! Insecurity can drive you into a very unsuitable relationship.
"We have a lot in common," you say. That's good, but another might have even more in common. You won't find out unless you date others.
The pattern of dating, then going steady, being engaged, and, finally, getting married has developed in this country. This pattern generally works. But going steady or becoming engaged after little dating can lead to disappointment or tragedy. Hasty marriages tend to fall apart early. It is likely that you just don't know enough about people to properly judge a potential marriage partner. When you date you are almost always seeing each other under the best of conditions. But what if circumstances deteriorate? Will your partner "split" and leave you if you become sick? Does he or she use violence? If you argue while dating, you will likely continue to argue after marriage. Does your friend tend to drink too much? Does he or she have what it takes to build a home?
Too often insecure teens find a person who makes them feel comfortable and, sometimes, this feeling is mistaken for love. This often leads one into going steady too soon.
Going steady can be a most dangerous trap. There is the possibility that you might not be able to resist the relationship's strong temptations. Sexual intimacy outside the marriage covenant does not please God. In the Bible in the Book of Galatians, Chapter 5, Verses 19 through 21 we read:
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Sex outside of marriage is sexual immorality. Also, there is the possibility of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases such as gonorrhea, syphilis, and AIDs.
Is your date mature enough to limit petting to reduce temptation? You must be aware that popular western culture promotes sexual immorality among the young. God says that this is sin. With wisdom and self-control, one will usually be able to meet the crises that often emerge during marriage and child rearing.
As you get older you will likely experience a yearning to have the security and warm relationships that result from a good marriage. You might want children, but if you have a poor relationship with your husband or wife, the reassuring home needed by children will be absent. It is well established that children from broken or undesirable homes often do not do as well in school as children from good, secure homes. They may miss going to college. This will tend to result in low-income careers. They also tend to have less successful marriages. You owe it to your child or children to provide them with a good environment and a happy home.
You will have less chance of finding a suitable mate by going steady too soon. You deny yourself the dating experiences where you discover more of the traits that make a good home and also about the traits that could be destructive to a future relationship.
Enjoy and learn from dating. Do not, by going steady, allow insecurity or fear to rob you of the important knowledge, insight and fun of dating.